


Words that were lost (have found their way)

by tom_and_ger



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Canon Rewrite, Emotional heart to heart, Episode: s05e10 The Bottle Episode, F/F, Getting through the hurt, Post-Crisis on Infinite Earth, That Kara/Lena reunion scene was underwhelming, The Long Way Round
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23562241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tom_and_ger/pseuds/tom_and_ger
Summary: Kara did it wrong the first time, but now, in this new universe, she could do it right. So she was going to find this Earth's Lena and tell her the truth; about everything, including what happened between them the first time around. She owed it to her Lena not to repeat the same mistakes.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 2
Kudos: 101





	Words that were lost (have found their way)

It had been a couple days since Kara woke up in this new universe. Yesterday, she learned that her Earth, Earth-1, and whatever Earth Black Lightning came from were merged when this universe was created. That had been the least upsetting news she'd gotten in the last twenty-four hours. The top of the list being, in what Kara could only describe as a mess of multiversal proportion, Lex Luthor who, in this reality, was not only alive but known far and wide as a decent, winner-of-the-Nobel-peace-prize, person but who, to top it all off, also owned the D.E.O. To add insult to injury – because one nightmare wasn't enough – there was this promotional video, featuring her Kryptonian self, along with the Luthor siblings, promoting their partnership and how everyone was safer because of it. She barely managed not to hurl every time she saw it. She couldn't believe she had willingly done that; which was what she was telling Alex right now.

She and her sister were walking down a street, coffees in hand, not far from Alex's apartment when that unfortunate piece of Lex-made propaganda appeared on a nearby advertising screen. She had gone by Alex's this morning, before she had to clock in at CatCo, to try and make sense of this Post-Crisis Earth. Which was something she badly needed; because, although she had all of her memories from before Crisis, she, being a Paragon, had no memory of anything that occurred on _this_ Earth before she woke up. But Alex did. Thanks to J'onn the memory of Pre-Crisis Alex had been restored, which meant that her sister had two sets of, somewhat, contradicting memories. Which was something Kara was very glad about, though she didn't envy her the headaches that came along.

“I have to talk to Lena,” Kara finally said to Alex.

“Look,” her sister began matter-of-factly, turning to face her. “On this Earth, Lena and Supergirl are partners. And as far as I'm concerned, she's not trying to mind control the planet. Plus, she doesn't hate you. So, so maybe Lena not having her memories is a good thing.”

“No. No, as much as I would love to have a clean slate with Lena. I owe it to her to tell the truth. I made that mistake once, I'm not going to do it again.”

“Don't take it the wrong way, but, maybe, the mistake would be telling her?”

“No. Everything she did before Crisis was because she learned it far too late and from the worst possible way. The mistake was not telling her sooner, and if...” Kara trailed off, unsure how to phrase her thought, “if I hadn't listened to you every time I wanted to tell her–”

“Oh,” Alex jerked her head offended, “so you're saying it's my fault?”

“No! All I'm saying is, it has to come from me. It has to mean something.”

“And what if you coming out doesn't change anything?” the older Danvers pushed on. “Right now, Lena's your number one supporter, she's helped us more times than you know. Do you really think it's worth gambling that away and risk her turning bad?”

“Even if I didn't, it's something I have to do.”

~~~

Crisis changed everything. And it had made Kara re-evaluate a lot of things too; beginning with Lena. Back at the Vanishing Point she had had a lot of time to think, to breath out her anger and her rage at Lex cheating his way out of dying, for all the people she'd lost and all that was left unsaid between her and them. She thought about her sister, and Kal, and Lois, and all of her friends; and she thought about Lena too. She could never comprehend what her best friend had felt, but at least, in the end, she understood. All it had taken had been the end of the multiverse, but, yeah, she understood, and, if Kara was honest with herself, she deserved it. Because it went beyond her not telling Lena she was Kryptonian. It was about Kara being there for Lena telling her she'd always, always, care for her; and about Supergirl forgetting that they were friends, that she trusted Lena with everything she had; and also, at times, behaving like she had told her, and having Supergirl blow up in Lena's face for something her friend should have known would hurt her.

It was too late though. She hadn't been able to make amends, hadn't been able to tell her so many things she should have had the courage to tell her a long time ago. Things she would never be able to. Her Lena was gone. She had been swallowed whole by Crisis, never to have existed at all.

But there was a Lena here, on this Earth. A Lena she didn't know anything about. Crisis had changed so many things that she couldn't trust anything she knew about her Lena would still be true. Obviously her history with Lex was different, as was probably the one with her mother. So where did that leave theirs? Were they just acquaintances? Friends? Were they still best friends? Or were they something else? From what Alex told her they were close, she'd even brought her to game night once or twice, but Alex wasn't aware of every detail of their friendship. Regardless, what she'd said to her sister was true, only, it was _her_ Lena she owed to tell this Lena the truth – the whole truth, about Crisis, about them; everything.

She got away from CatCo as soon as she was able to, but later than she would have liked, and went looking for Lena. Which didn't take her long. Unsurprisingly, she found her in the first place she looked – so maybe this Earth wasn't that different from her own after all – namely, in her office at L-Corp – which was back to being LuthorCorp, so maybe not. She stayed in mid-air for a moment or two, looking through Lena's office's bay window, watching her working at her desk, realising how much she'd miss that particular sight. _Now or never Kara._ Decidedly, she flew the last metres, landing with a determined thud on Lena's balcony.

“Supergirl,” Lena said coldly getting up from her desk at the sound of Kara's landing.

“I've been looking for you,” Kara explained, walking in Lena's office without pause.

“Here I am.”

“So, um, there's something I, I have to tell you. I know you think Lex is good man, that he's your part–”

“Save it,” Lena cut her off dispassionately. “I already know.”

“What, exactly, do you know?” the blonde asked guardedly.

“The Crisis. What Lex did. What _you_ did.”

“Lex...”

“Beat you to the punch. What did you thi–”

Lena never got to finish her though. One second she was looking at Supergirl on the other side of the room and before she'd even blinked she got the wind knocked out of her as the Kryptonian held her in the tightest of embrace.

“You're here,” Kara sobbed. “O Rao, you're here. It's you.”

“Let go of me!”

“I though– I thought you were dead.”

“Stop it!”

“I thought I'd– I'd lost you forever.”

“Kara, you're hurting me!”

“Sorry!” she bolted back at superspeed. “Sorry, I–”

“What's the matter with you?” Lena shouted, massaging her bruised arm.

“Nothing, it's–” Kara snuffled. “I'm happy. I'm just, so, so happy!”

“You're happy? Are you insane? I'm here, in front of you, telling you I remember everything you did to me, every deception, every lie. And you're happy?” she asked genuinely confused.

“More than you can possibly imagine,” she beamed wiping away falling tears.

“Why did you come here, Kara?” Lena sighed, slightly irritated.

“You called me 'Kara'.”

“That is your name, is it not?”

“I know,” she smiled shyly. “It's just– you haven't called me by my name in a long time.”

“Yes, well, my tongue slipped,” Lena retorted. “So, again, why did you come?”

“I came to tell you the truth.”

“And what truth would that be?”

“Who I am under the cape. Why I didn't tell you sooner. What happened between us the last time. How you were right. And about Crisis, the part you played and– and how you, how you died trying to save everybody you could. About Lex too.”

“And then what? Was I supposed to just keel over and forgive you?”

“You weren't supposed to do anything,” Kara said penitently, shaking her head. “But I was. I should have done so many things differently. I should have said a hundred thousand things to you. I never once thought you were a villain, Lena. I think you're one the most wonderful, and good, and kind human being I have ever met. And losing you in Crisis it– it made me realise a lot of things. I should have been the one coming to you for help evacuating our Earth. Because if I had then you, you wouldn't have died alone on Earth-1 when the anti-matter wave hit, you would have been with us at Star Labs. And you wouldn't have died not knowing that, that you are love by so many people, and by none more than me,” she managed to say through her wobbling voice. “What I mean is–,” she fumbled. “What I'm trying to say–,” she tried again without much difference. She breathed out in an effort to calm herself, trying to say what lay on her heart. “I'm in love with you Lena Luthor.”

“You're in love with me?” Lena was aghast. “How dare you say that to me?” she said clenching her jaw, fighting the urge to scream at Kara, not wanting her secretary and possibly the floors above and below hers to hear. “You played me for a fool. For _years._ I let you in, let you take down my walls. I shared my feelings with you, I shared my tears! You made me believe in friendship again, you made me trust in love again!” she said, nearly shouting, forgetting her surroundings, her feelings for Kara too raw. “Do you realise how _atrocious_ , how _used_ , I felt when I realized what you being Supergirl meant? You didn't just not tell me your secret. _You shattered me!_ ” she bellowed, tears falling down her cheeks. “And everytime I think about you, you shatter me a little bit more! I thought the world of you, I thought we were– becoming something. But you... you... you wanted your friend, my _boyfriend_ , to break into my lab because you didn't trust _me._ You knew me better than anyone in my life, but still _you_ couldn't trust _me_ with bloody kryptonite!” she screamed agonizingly. “Each time Supergirl decried me, saw me as the villain, then sweet, innocent, Kara Danvers came and consoled me, was kind to me. How's that being in love with me?” she asked in pain. “How's that not abuse? How could _you_ have done that if you loved me?”

“I know and it's– it's breaking my heart,” Kara wailed. “I never meant to hurt you, I never meant for you to feel this way,” she said with tears in her eyes, clutching her chest. “You are so wonderful and I– I behaved so appallingly. Because _I_ was selfish, because you liked Kara far more than you ever liked Supergirl. And it was nice, just being Kara with you, without the cape, with only your smile each time you saw me,” she smiled sadly, tears rolling down, her hand now a fist over her crest. “I know I should have told you, I _know_ that. I didn't start out wanting to deceive you, but then the more I waited, the more I let people talked me out of telling you, the more I convinced myself I was protecting you, the harder it became,” she shook her head, biting her lower lip contritely. “Worst part is, I thought it would be alright. Because, part of me thought you knew, that you figured it out, that you were waiting for me to find the courage to tell you,” she said, the words caught in her throat. “Because how could you not know? I'm terrible at keeping that secret from the people I care about. For Rao's sake, one time I told you I flew on a bus to come see you, each time there was a crisis I made up the worst excuses to disappear on you and be Supergirl!”

“So it's my fault if I couldn't see past a fucking pair of glasses?!”

“No, of course not. It's on me, everything's on me. And I'll spend the remainder of my days trying to make amends.”

“So what? Is that suppose to excuse all your abuse?”

“It's not. I don't have any excuses for the way I behaved, and I'm not trying to make any... I'm only telling you my truth.”

“Your truth,” Lena sneered bitterly, turning away from Kara, moving towards the drawer unit beneath her office's tv screen. “What's your truth worth anyway?” she sighed, resting her hands on the unit top.

“My heart,” Kara answered reverently. “Laid bare.”

 _It's not fair_ , Lena thought trying with all her might, shutting her eyes as hard as she could, to keep more tears from falling, _she doesn't get to get in again_. “Stop,” she turned around screaming, “just stop! What's the point of all this? Is this some twisted way to get me back on your side? To be able to keep up with Lex and whatev–”

“Forget about Lex!” Kara cut her off. “I don't care about your brother or what he's got planned! I care about you, I care about _us_.”

“There is no 'us',” Lena said full of anguish.

“Yes, there is. _Of course_ , there is. Don't you tell me there isn't,” Kara pleaded. “I know you Lena, you answer in kind. And your plan, what you want to do. I don't believe for one second you're doing it out of anything but love, but the broken heart you have because of me!”

“Then why would I want you back in my life?” Lena roared. “No matter what happened, seeing you always was the highlight of my days. And it dawned on me last year, that I was longing for your presence. That I saw you as more than a friend. That I loved you more than I ever loved anyone! So tell me, why would I want you back in my life when you hurt me so? Why would I let you in again after you destroyed all the trust I had in you?!”

“I have no answer to offer you,” Kara stepped closer to Lena, her hands cupped over her crest. “But I hope that, that despite everything, because, maybe, you still care for me.”

“Care for you?” Lena asked pinching the bridge of her nose with both hands. “I'm being pulled apart just thinking about you!” she exclaimed. “It would be so much easier if I didn't care for you, if you were just another leech I could forget in a heartbeat! But... that's not you... I can't forgive,” she mourned, “not that, not you.”

“I'm not asking you to forgive me, I'm not asking you to forget either. All I'm asking–” Kara started, trying to play with glasses that weren't there. “All I'm asking is if you could trust me again, if you would... love me again.”

Lena kept quiet, silent like all the fight had left her, in the middle of her office, in the middle of the pain and the rage and the longing and the love with which both women had filled the room. She didn't know what else to say, didn't know how to make Kara give up on them.

“This is a new universe...” Kara filled the silence. “For both of us. Oliver died birthing it, hoping to mend our worst regrets. And I would not have it be for nothing. We don't have to let the mistakes of the past, let _my_ mistakes, determine our future.”

“I don't... I don't know Kara,” Lena finally said after some while, unable to fight her anymore. “I don't know how.”

Hesitantly, unsure if Lena would let her, unsure if she had the right, Kara closed the distance that remained between them. And now, face to face with Lena who was still there, who hadn't move away at her approach, she took a leap of faith and hugged her, properly, for the first time in ages. She held her, her brow resting against Lena's, her arms crossing across her back, for as long as she dared and for longer still when Lena held her back.

“.krymodh tiv tehl i zrhig w kryp” Kara whispered ceremoniously, like a prayer, before letting go.

She smiled at Lena, both happy and sad, turning away from her and moving towards the balcony door.

“Whatever you decide,” Kara said, turning back towards Lena, her hand resting on the doorframe, “this new universe of ours, I'll still be glad you're in it, you know. And I'll still be there for you, whenever you need me to, no matter what.”

She gave Lena one last smile before she flew away, leaving nothing but a blur in her wake and a tangle of emotional thoughts for Lena to sort through.

▪

**Author's Note:**

> ".krymodh tiv tehl i zrhig w kryp" is Kryptonian for "The Wisdom of Telle guides us."


End file.
